So many of us, myself included, stay in sucky relationships, jobs, behaviors, etc. out of fear. Why is this? Even if a situation or feeling sucks, sometimes the suck is better than the unknown because you know what to expect with the suck. You’re comfortable with the suck because you know what it feels like. It can be terrifying to step out into the unknown, but it’s not the unknown that’s scary. It's when you consider your future and think you know what will happen, and then believe it will be bad. Future forecasting negative predictions are what terrifies you, not the unknown.
I was once in a toxic relationship where my internal dialogue sounded a lot like this, “If I leave no one will ever love me like he does.” Reflecting back, the joke was on me. The narrative I was feeding myself is laughable now, but in the moment, it was very real to me. I was miserable and depressed, but I was comfortable. I knew and understood my “suck,” and the thought of being in unfamiliar waters terrified me. I was terrified of being alone forever. Who would I hang out with (because clearly, I forgot I had friends and family)? At one point I even had the thought, “No one will make me tuna fish sandwiches like he does.” I honestly believed, another human being wouldn’t do a kind thing for me (shows you where my self-worth was at). I was holding on to the only kind thing I could find and ignoring every negative that was jumping up and screaming at me. However, the joke was on me again because I married an amazing man, but had I allowed my fears to keep me in that suck; my life would be miserable to this day.
Had I remained cozy, I probably wouldn't have gone to graduate school or let alone finished my undergrad. I wouldn't have the amazing life I have today, and I definitely wouldn't be typing this blog post for all you amazing humans.
I don't know you personally and don't understand your “suck,” but what I can say with certainty is that it can get better. Don't let fear and comfort hold you back from living your best life. Stepping out of the suck will be uncomfortable for a while, but I promise you it will get easier, and it'll be worth it.
If you find yourself stepping into the unknown, I highly suggest you utilize mindfulness skills to keep you in the here and now. If you don't have any mindfulness tools in your best life tool bag, click the link below to learn a new technique.