You Are Not To Blame

The other day an incident occurred at work where a man exposed himself to me in my office. Afterwards, I sat there racking my brain for what I did to give him the impression that his behavior was okay. I was completely blown away as this had never happened to me before. As I processed the incident with another clinician, I thought, was it the scent of my lotion, perfume, fabric softener, shampoo, body wash? These fellas can pick up ANY scent that doesn’t smell like testosterone. Was I dressed up to much or my makeup overdone? Keep in mind, I go to work every day looking like a hamster because I want to attract the least amount of attention (If you want to know what a human hamster looks like, watch my weekday videos). Maybe it was my lamps? Do my lamps create an inviting environment for sexual behavior? I had recently brought lamps with warm lighting into my office because the overhead fluorescent lights were killing my eyes and I felt lamps created a welcoming environment for “therapy.”

I made it to lamps before my coworker shut down my processing. She brought to my awareness the fact I was sitting there looking for what I had done wrong to be treated that way. I was taking the blame away from the male and placing it on myself. That’s what’s wrong with society today. We search for what we did wrong to give the impression it’s okay to be treated this way. 

The reason I share this with you is that given all I know about human behavior, I fell victim to this thinking. To make sense of what happened, I was placing blame on myself and taking it away from the person who did the act. I realize now, he made a choice, and there is nothing I did that makes his behavior acceptable. 

Ladies, please know sexual harassment is not acceptable just because you have boobs and a butt. Being female doesn’t come with a sign on your back that says “treat me like your sex object.” If you ever fall victim to sexual harassment do not look for what you did wrong that gave off the impression it was okay to be treated that way. If you have fallen victim to harassment or abuse please seek help from a professional therapist.

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