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At the time of this episode, I am the biggest I have ever been. I’m down to one pair of pants, and you don’t even want to get me started on my shorts. I feel burnt out from battling my fluff for what feels like my whole life. I am frustrated and yet, at peace. In Battle of the Fluff and How We Can Overcome It Together, I invite you into my battle with my weight. I share shameful moments with you that I have never spoken out loud.
Why do I share this? I share this because I know some courageous woman is reading this right now, shaming her body. There is a female battling her fluff, and she’s feeling exhausted and defeated. This episode is for you, sister!
MY WEIGHT
I am no small girl. I feel like I’m built to be a linebacker for the Chicago Bears. My back is broad, my shoulders are strong, my thighs and calves are thick, and my booty is large and in charge. Top all that off with all my extra fluff. This is a body type I’ve hated my whole life. I spent the majority of my life dreaming of being a petite girl with tiny legs. Well, the joke is on me because this body was not designed for that build.
It’s taken me years to come to terms with the realization that I’m naturally a strong and solid girl – years of toxic dieting, food deprivation, and excessive exercise.
In hopes of being “smaller,” I’ve turned to quick fixes that only temporarily shrunk the number on my pants. I’ve starved and then binged. Food was my drug of choice to help me cope with my strong dislike for my body, oh the irony here. I have weighed myself like a piece of luggage, and let’s not forget all the photos I’ve analyzed. The battle of the fluff is very real in my life, and frankly, I’m ready to call a truce.
LOW MOMENT
While I was in beauty school, I went on a strict diet. I’m talking about bodybuilding type diet where fruit is bad, and ketchup is off-limits. I was living off egg whites, chicken, tuna, green beans, and just about every other boring, dry, healthy food you can imagine. Was I losing weight? Absolutely! Was I happy? Heck no! It was during this diet cycle that I cheated with a delicious bag of purple skittles. They were yummy and they made my heart smile, temporarily. Later that evening the usual shame sank in and I did what I did best at the time. I punished myself with exercise. I tied up my sneakers and I hit that treadmill hard. I made sure I burned off every calorie from that delicious bag of skittles, because hey if I burned them off, then I at least didn’t gain the weight. Can you relate?
There was also that time I took out my emotions on an innocent carton of ice cream. You’ll have to tune in to this episode to hear all about that shameful moment.
ONE PAIR OF PANTS
At the time of this episode, I am down to one pair of pants. One pair of stretch pants that have two holes near the belt loop from continually having to pull them up. You’d think the holes were created because the pants were too big, and I was pulling them up, but quite the opposite actually. I am pretty sure the holes formed due to the fact my thighs are large and in charge, and they like to pull my pants down.
Since my wedding, my fluff has been winning the battle, which has led to an increase in pant size. Four pant sizes if I’m being honest. During a recent trip to Gap in search of new pants, I had a sad realization in the dressing room that left me wanting a dumb sugar cookie. Most people who realize the extent of their weight gain would be motivated to lose the extra fluff, but not me. I wanted my drug to soothe my turbulent emotions. My drug just happened to come in the form of a Mrs. Fields frosted sugar cookie.
Do you think I ate the cookie? You’ll have to hit play to find out!
12 TRICKS TO OVERCOME THE BATTLE OF THE FLUFF
Battling your body is exhausting. Trust me. I know all too well. That is why I vote it’s time we call a truce with our body and put down our mental and verbal weapons. We need to recognize that the lens through which we view our bodies is distorted. Exercising shouldn’t be a form of punishment, but rather a form of therapy. We need to stop comparing ourselves to strangers on the internet and be mindful of the fact that other people’s cruel words are simply a projection of their own insecurities.
The scale has to go. You are not a piece of luggage being weighed at the airport. Unless you’re being fitted for a custom outfit, stop measuring yourself. No more progression shots! Take selfies with your favorite humans instead. Oh yeah, and quick fixes, yeah, they don’t work!
MORE FROM THIS EPISODE
Be sure to hit that play button, on whatever device you listen to podcasts, to hear all about the comment my husband made that left me crying to you about on this episode. Not only will you hear about that, but you’ll also learn why prepping for my wedding left me feeling so angry at the gym and why wedding dress shopping was my idea of a nightmare. I dive in deep with moments of emotional eating and then purging. I let you in on some of my biggest insecurities that I feel drive my battle with the fluff. I share twelve tips and tricks to help you call a truce with the battle of the fluff. This episode gets real, real quick, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I hope this episode normalizes your battle with the fluff, and together, friend, we can win this battle.
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Tara Bixby 